2003 Hawaii Trip
Hi everyone. My name is Neva. I'm 33 and I've been married for almost 13 years with three wonderful children. I came into P90 with this intense mindset that I had to accomplish these 90 days to prove to myself that I was in control of me, that I could start and finish something, and that my eating disorder was a thing of the past. At first I was a bit apprehensive about giving myself totally over to this new way of life, there is always that fear of the unknown. I have never believed that food made me healthy or better yet, that food was fuel, but P90 helped me see that it is just these things that make this program work. With the combination of exercise and good fuel, my body has responded by producing muscle and burning fat. My body has started believing that I am not going to fall back into my old habit of starving or binge/purge and it feels good to realize that I am setting a positive example for my children now. Maybe my new way of thinking is the best positive change of all. It is good to finally be taking a journey that has more to do with respect of my mind, body and soul, then anything else, because it is only when I feel such strength within myself that I can truly be there for my family. I feel like I am exhaling and progressing for the first time in my life, and that feels so good!!
My eating disorders began at the early age of 12 and gained fuel year by year. When I was 30, I had finally had enough with this self-abuse. The physical damage I was doing to myself didn't seem to be real to me, not to mention how I was hurting those who loved me. At that point my self-esteem was so low and my life was ruled by what the scale said. I used to weigh myself every hour and then isolate myself from the world if the numbers went up. Oddly, even when the numbers went lower, I still felt it wasn't enough. I was so empty. Any challenge, anything new was too much for me to believe in. I always started off my thinking process with." I can't". I was my own worst enemy, but now I felt even more selfish as I was raising children in this environment and knowing that they needed me to guide them made me take a good hard look at myself. What was I teaching them? I had so much to live for yet I was killing myself by not taking hold of the issues at hand. I also knew that I was scared of the food, weight gain thing therefore at first I concentrated only on the most important issues of the past and my inner self. Most people innocently fail to realize that the root of eating disorders have nothing at all to do with appearances and weight. It is just a symptom that masks the real issues at hand. It was just easier to not eat, then to lose control like I so often did. I always teetered on the edge just enough to still use it as my security blanket, but to not let it take control. Thing is it always takes control if you let it. So when I settled the score of my past and saw that I needed to move forward with life, I saw P90 as a tool to help get me there. Now it was time to take care of the whole package.
My husband told me that if I ordered it, he would workout with me and that was wonderful. He lost 20 pounds doing P90!! I took Michi's Ladder with me to a nutritionist and thus began my love relationship with healthy food, energy, muscles, BB, Tony and the kids, and this great community of support. You CAN eat and exercise and be strong and be beautiful and most especially be in control of your own self. This whole program works by what you put into it and I really went into this just wanting to regain a whole sense of being. What I got was amazing no matter which way you slice it. I'm healthy, my body did gain some needed weight, but I expected that and I can live with it.........did I say that?? ;-) Tony Horton has an incredible way of making you work out and laugh and believe that you will get through even the toughest of days. No matter who you are, you get those days where you just don't feel like working out, but as soon as I caught his positive attitude, I was glad I pressed play. I didn't expect perfection; I just sat back and trusted in my body to respond to great things I was giving it. Day by day I appreciate something new in how my bodyworks. Not even so much with respect to a six-pack, but rather in how my body is appreciating my efforts by getting stronger. Whether it is being able to carry a five-pound water jug up my stairs by myself or that I just went out and played with my kids without living by the scale. That I'm not always tired or cold or grumpy. My mind is clearer; my heart is clearer, no more fog from not eating. I am so proud of myself that I cannot stop grinning. As a woman I will always want to look nice, but the most pleasant thing of all is FEELING nice!! I'm progressing into someone who does not need perfection and that feels wonderful. I COMPLETED P90!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Beachbody for showing me the simple steps to coming full circle in taking care of myself. I did this and will continue to carry the BB spirit with me through life. It is not just 90 days it is a lifetime commitment.